Your Child’s Eating Disorder Isn’t Your Fault—And You’re a Key Part of Their Healing

As a psychologist who works closely with families affected by eating disorders, I often hear the same heart-wrenching questions from caregivers: “Did I cause this?” “What did I miss?” “How can I fix it?” These are understandable fears, but here’s the truth I want every caregiver to hear clearly:

You didn’t cause your child’s eating disorder.
And—perhaps even more importantly—you are an essential part of their recovery.

Eating Disorders Are Not a Choice

Let’s start with something fundamental: eating disorders are not a lifestyle choice or a phase. They are serious, biologically influenced mental health conditions with strong genetic, psychological, and environmental components. Research tells us that eating disorders often run in families—not because of parenting—but because of shared genetics that may increase a person’s vulnerability.

This means your child didn’t “choose” this, and neither did you. Blame has no place in this conversation. What does belong here is compassion, science-based treatment, and a strong support system—which includes you.

What Is Family-Based Treatment (FBT)?

One of the most well-supported approaches for treating adolescents with eating disorders like anorexia is Family-Based Treatment (FBT), sometimes referred to as the Maudsley Approach. FBT is not about analyzing family dynamics or blaming parents. Instead, it’s based on the powerful idea that parents and caregivers can be the best resource for helping a child recover.

FBT takes place in three phases:

1. Phase 1: Caregivers take an active role in helping their child eat and interrupt eating disorder behaviors.
2. Phase 2: As the child gains strength and stability, responsibility for eating is gradually handed back.
3. Phase 3: Focus shifts to supporting healthy development and addressing life beyond the eating disorder.

This approach works because it taps into what you already bring to the table: deep care, constant presence, and an unwavering desire to see your child thrive.

Caregivers Are Not to Blame—But They Are Vital

It’s a painful myth that families cause eating disorders. The reality is the opposite: families heal eating disorders. And when caregivers are supported and empowered, outcomes improve. Research shows that when parents are actively involved in treatment, recovery rates go up.

Your job isn’t to “fix” your child. It’s to stay close, stay steady, and partner with professionals in guiding your child back to health. Your presence provides the safety and structure that their brain needs to re-nourish and recover.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Eating disorder treatment is hard work. It often feels like a full-time job layered on top of all the other responsibilities of caregiving. But you’re not expected to know how to do this on your own. Skilled providers can help you learn how to respond to your child’s behaviors, manage meals, and take care of yourself along the way.

The most effective treatment teams don’t just treat the individual—they support the whole family.

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In summary:

• Eating disorders are biologically-based mental health conditions.
• They are not caused by parents or poor choices.
• Caregivers play a crucial, evidence-based role in recovery.
• With support, you can help your child heal.

If you’re a caregiver facing this journey, know this: You are not to blame—and you are not alone.

If you would like help navigating this journey towards your child’s recovery, please click the button below to discuss how our team can help support you and your child.